i fought the love

I'm sitting in his living-room.
My arms and feet are cold.
The floor is even colder.

He bends down, takes the little wooden piece that opens the fire place.
He blows in it and sticks a new piece of wood in.


He then came towards me and sat next to me so I quickly closed this window and continued to play that game I like on his computer. It's now 2 or so hours later and I'm sitting in my living room eating chocolates from IKEA and watching a supposedly good film with my brother. My arms and feet are still cold, even here at home.

The last few days have been pretty nice. We walked around göteborg eating cheeseburgers and sharing a strawberry milkshake. We saw the xx and I sang along to every song. And then we ate mcdonalds again. We drank coca-cola in the hotel room and fell asleep quite early. We ate spicy sausages and I tried a french hot-dog for the first time. We stupidly argued about who got to be on the window seat on the bus. I gave it up in the end.

It felt like a weekend, but it's actually only friday tomorrow.


yellow roses


I kept telling myself I need to stop smoking
I made this amazing nutella pizza
I liked you laugh
I was mad at her as usual
I saw some lovely trees in lund
I noticed how I really can't do with out you
I wanted to cry
I didn't hold your hand
I looked in my mailbox to see them same old magazine no one has bothered to take out
I saw mismatched green shoes
I burnt my finger and it's still hurting
I had paint on my nose, chest and all over my hands
I realized I would love to have my hands covered in paint all the time
I am thinking about you
I don't know.


The xx



i need some sympathy
look at me,
i just cant believe
what youve done to me
i could never get free
i just want to be
i just want to be
look at me
i just cant believe
what youve done to be
i could never get free
i just want to be
i just want to dream

we walk together
in the same body

im late for school 



I dreamed that things got worse. And that we were screaming and I was crying but I can't remember about what. I woke up in the night feeling horrible.

My dreams are strange during the winter and I dream a lot more during this season. Fucked up dreams about almost anything.

I hardly ever dream in the summer.



I wish I could write down everything I said or did before I said or did anything. I wish I could erase or delete the wrong words and the careless actions, before I went ahead and said or did them. I think everything would be much better then.

I wish I could control how uncontrolled I am sometimes. How my mouth sometimes keeps going and going, although I want it to stop.

I wish that I had treated you better. I wish I hadn't pushed the limits and ruined both our weekends. I wish I had let you be, but instead I followed you when you clearly needed space.

I think it is because I'm finally completely attached to you. Being with you is probably the nicest part of my days. And I would do anything to be more with you.

So when I realized you didn't want to be here anymore, I panicked. I panicked because I realized I had crossed the limits, I realized that you were avoiding my eyes. I realized your voice was lower and your hand didn't want to be with mine. I realized you weren't saying much, I realized I had treated you like shit.

I'm hurting because I know I hurt you.

Sometimes I don't see what you see in me.



I'm sitting in my moms messy room. Two big windows in front of me.

I'm eating LIDL's naturgodis which are pretty good.

There's a random man in the apartment. He's fixing our doors, so don't worry.

I stayed home from school today too. I think I sort of deserve it, or I'm trying to make myself believe I do.

I'm doing the laundry at the moment too. I don't like the way the basement smells here. 

It's been five months since I kissed him in my brother's apartment. Time goes by quickly.

Now my naturgodis are finished.



i've been watching tv all day

ahhh im tired and theres too many boxes in this house

my head hurts, my eyes hurt

xx in 6 days



im so tired and i dont want to do this
i hate everything and everyone and i want to go to bed right this moment

i need a cigarette too
stress stress stress

stupid useless family

so ive been locked out for about 2 hours

as soon as i got home i contacted both mom and alex and asked whether they could come home from malmö and help me get in

infuckingstead they go to fucking ikea and are still there. ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?
if they were in this situation i would've come back home as soon as fucking possible.

no matter the fucking circumstances at least one of them could've come and gotten me in

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so fucking mad
hate hate hate hate disappointment 

useless family one can have sometimes

edit: nah, i still love them... although it would've been nice to get the keys and not sit on the hard floor waiting for hours såå jaa jaaa ja


letters and writing

Okay I'm really sorry. Posting instagram pictures is totally not okay. But I have nothing else to post. Not even the normal pictures I take with my phone (it's out of battery), and my archive with pictures from my camera is not the best right now.

Mmmm... I've spent quite a lot of time writing a lettter today. And I'm really tired so I don't know whether I should do some work or simply go to bed, read a bit and figure shit out tomorrow. I guess sleeping is probably better so I can stay up during the weekend and do all the work I have to do + move apartments. But maybe I should do work and have a better weekend? I think I like sleep best (Y)

I think I'm too tired to make write (make!?!?) anything that makes sense and isn't ridiculously stupid. 

Good night you xx

mage katsa

My hands feel dirty.
My feet sort of hurt.
My neck is not feeling great either.

I don't know why I just dont get all of it done.
I don't know why I can't be like those kids in class.
I guess I have other interests.

I can't wait to get the keys to our new white apartment.
I can't wait to finally finish all those useless projects and study instead.

I also wonder whether I'm finally over those bad months I had in the beginning of the year.
I'll get back to those thoughts on christmas day, a year after the little world in my head was shattered to pieces.

 Thank god I'm at least on my feet mentally speaking.



I don't know, I felt like I needed to update me eating a digestive.. thinking its healthy when it actually contains  69 calories, and by eating one and a half cookie im eating a 100 calories which is more than an entire cucumber or two big tomatoes.

Anyways 14 days to lovely göteborg=the xx which equals nice 4 star hotel with alex too, which in the end makes me happy to a level that is not even explainable.

/have a lovely evening.



I like to think about the best moments with him, the moments where we do absolutely nothing. When sometimes nothing turns into us falling asleep.
Then I wake up because my hand has been on his cheek for too long and I can't really feel it anymore.
Sometimes nothing turns into stupid tickling fights where I always lose.

I can't imagine the number of hours we have spent in bed, for the past 4 months and a half, doing absolutely nothing. I'd say they've been the best moments.

It's funny how I used to write about him some months before anything happened and now he's entirely mine (half, okay, okay). How I can write about things that have happened when we are together, not simply about things that I used to observe about him. I used to like his shirts, the way his eyes looked when he laughed and how he'd always smell so good. Now I like holding his strong hands and going to espresso house and sitting on the same spot for a couple of hours every time.



surveys and boxes and sushi and socks

why are you all so quiet nowadays?
before i used to get a couple of comments every once in a while and so on and so forth
it'd be nice if i got to hear your anonymous voices again
what have you been thinking about lately?
who have you been thinking about lately?

i have been very very tired this week
school has been alright but my sleeping schedule is fucked up
irrelevant but whatever

im moving to malmö next friday
and tomorrow we're going to ikea to look for new furniture
and to netonnet to buy a new big tv...
new life, new tv, new kitchen, new malmö, new gym... so much new.

i do hope some things stay the same
i hope i can still smoke out of a window every once in a while, without disturbing anyone
wait no thats not true! i dont smoke guys!!

my older brother, mom and myself are sitting in the living room
not really doing much

my mom is tickling me with her feet as she talks to stephan on the phone
"maie, me estas haciendo cosquillas con tus pies" "mmmmmm... ja ja ja"

my older brother has fallen asleep on the couch infront of me
he's sleeping in a weird position
im sure his neck will hurt a lot when he wakes up

there's boxes everywhere and the place looks messy
i miss alexander
why must you go to dåååjueebrooohh?

my feet are on the living room table
they're starting to tingle, little blood is running to them

nearly 20,000 visitors on this cute little page
thanks everyone

i like fridays like this one




I just read a very very very bad excuse to why abortion should not be legal.
NO, abortion is not the same thing as murder. lol what, you cant compare those two.

A little girl who has been raped and is now pregnant at the age of, lets say, fourteen is NOT becoming a murderer by getting an abortion. She's making a choice in her life, she's giving herself a fucking childhood.

You probably think abortion is bad because you're raised in a country where they make you believe it's bad. Now, imagine you got pregnant tomorrow... You wouldn't be able to deal with it; not socially, not mentally and maybe not even physically. So don't complain without putting yourself in that situation. Don't talk as if you are the one who decides whether no one should have the right to have an abortion. Do not.

Yes, having an abortion is a horrible thing to do. It's also an extremely difficult thing to deal with for the woman/girl/child involved, painful at times too. But I think that it's about making the right choice and about what is best for the mother and the unborn child.

And if you're for abortion; great. I don't mind. But please, don't go around pushing your ideas down other people's throats cause they might not think the same way as you do and all your arguments can't possibly be right.

Also, maybe people shouldn't focus so much on whether abortion should be legal or not, but more on educating people about rape, contraceptives and sex at a young age.

/angry s



my omelette is cooking right this second (2 1/2 eggs, a bit of cheese, ham, and some mushrooms+ruccola on top)
this is my second day not in school because i honestly cannot get out of bed
my sleeping got fucked up this weekend, so i guess i needed to recover
w/e hopefully this will be the last day i do that, gotta get myself together

21 days to the xx


moths in trains and water

Theres bread crumbs on my phone and a little message saying limited service.
I've eaten two crackers with avocado and ham for breakfast as well as a glass of minimjölk.
I'm moving to a bigger city next week, a nice apartment with white walls.
Our current place is dirty and messy and I cannot wait to get the fuck out of here.
I think I've cried a lot in this place, felt lonely and didn't sleep at times because of the pain in my chest.
My mom, my dad, my brothers, him, dad's wife, fred... ahh so many people  have made me cry in this house.

The train was packed last night. I had to stand because the train was so full and there was a white moth flying between us, the standing passangers by the doors of the train. I couldn't help but smile at it. Why was there a moth inside the train?

I need to write chaos back a letter.
I need to do all my homework.
I need to watch true blood.
I need to go to the gym and work out.
I need to book our hotel in göteborg.
I need to start putting everything in boxes.
I need to drink more water.

Have a lovely week  xxx