a screenshot

11 months ago on my tumblr

where did you go? i dont remember the last time i saw your eyes grow smaller


The first summer

I always seem to forget what my summer was like once autumn kicks in and the weather suddenly gets much colder. I envy those that can easily tell you about that amazing summer they had a couple of years ago, how much fun they had, how warm it was, how the sun was shinning all day long and the boys they met were the best kissers they ever had. 

What did I even do last summer...? I guess you can blame my amnesia on the awfully long winter we just survived. I wish I could still remember what that summer-freedom feels like, so I could look forward to it; after-all summer is really just 4 nights away. 

But really, it is a positive thing. I can live the next summer like it's the first one I ever had and the last one I'll ever experience.


MM #2

There was an old red velvet sofa, like the kind you see in the movies. It was some sort of outdoor room, because I could see trees and bushes in the background, behind the recently cleaned glass walls. The floor was made of small grey and white mosaics that could hardly be seen under the old Persian-looking rugs covering most of the floor. I guess you couldn't quite say that the space was spotless clean, but it was definitely not dirty either; the old rugs and the old sofa made the air a bit dusty but at the same gave the room a feeling of comfort, of belonging, of togetherness. 

The reason to why exactly I was there, is still unknown to me. I'm almost certain that I wasn't alone in the room, but can only quite remember one face. E seemed to be my friend;  she was short and had long light blonde hair. She also wore a dress which made her look quite young; she must have been at least a year younger than me. "M has always been crazy about you, have you never met her?" E said excitedly and told me more about unknown beautiful M.

I don't know why, but after hearing E say how much M was head over heels about me, I swear I felt my heart skip a beat and without even seeing her I knew I was already somehow drawn to her and whatever she had to bring.

Seconds after, M walked in into the glass house with a few more people and I immediately knew it was her E had been talking about. It is so unbelievably difficult to try to explain how I felt at that moment, standing and looking straight at M, knowing she admired me and loved everything there was about me and I never even had a clue. It is even more challenging to write down in words how beautiful she was when I first saw her. All I can say is that I can still feel the excitement rushing through every vain in my body directly to my chest as I remember the moment M looked at me and smiled, showing with her  dark eyes that she knew I had been told about her secret obsession.



what if i miss it all?

will i have to sit at home and wonder how warm the sea is and how amazing the food is?


fucking passports pieces of shit
goddamn it


Inexplicable face

Me and you
and the illusions that twirl around the mind of mine

Me and you
and the loud music that tries to cover the drilling noises upstairs

Me and you
and all of the bodies I talk to

Me and you
and the girl of my dreams, the one with the inexplicable face

Me and you
and the music that is impossible to not move to

Me and you
and the mixture of clean and dirty clothes in the old white wardrobe

Me and you
and the wait for those days to come, 10 was it?

Me and you
and biking on that rusty red bike and always hoping it won't get stolen

Me and you
and how people ask what i'm knitting but i'm really just knitting

Me and you
and nothing else i suppose



What do you do, when you are almost certain you have fallen in love with someone who you have never seen in real life, only in pictures and in that dream last night? When it feels like you actually met her and she was secretly crazy about you, too?

This is ridiculously strange. I can feel the need to see her again, tonight, when I fall asleep, my chest feeling as it does when I'm nervous, filled with a sensation that cannot be written in words, but only felt. It's taking me over.


my head

jag mår inte bra

why now, why now?