Red Building (5)

I think I will live. And maybe I’ll study and become a doctor to save people who seem to think life is actually worth living. I will marry a young and handsome man and we will be the perfect couple with a perfect life and a perfect house with a dog and two perfect little children that do nothing but run around and play in a perfect garden. I will lie to my husband and children. I will never tell them that I don’t really wish to live and that my biggest wish is to die already. I think I will try to teach myself how to love them, the least I can do is try. 

I will lie.

It’s actually 5.34 now. Time goes by quickly.
I have school today but I will tell Mother that I feel a little sick and that it’s too cold outside. She’ll say she thinks it will be a lot better if I stay home today.  

I will actually just sit here and plan my life. I will look outside my window and see how the world turns without me. I will stay here in this red apartment building and see how the winter cold freezes everything out there.

I will try to live.