Church bells

I just realized that my dad isn't really a part of my life.
His voice on the phone was the voice of a stranger I weirdly recognize.
"Oh I miss you guys all the time".
Its your fucking fault that you married some stupid bitch and left me behind.
I dont think I care if you miss us and call up every once in a while.
It was your choice and you messed up.
"I've been trying to reach you." Yeah, no.
One text in a week is not trying to reach me.
Don't ask me to call you back, because I won't. This should have been your responsibility.
I guess I now understand why alex feels like this about you, I guess I was picturing a fairy tale in my head.
The daddy with the money who makes you happy and buys you nice things from time to time.

The fact that I hadn't really thought about you till today for at least a week, makes it all seem pretty clear.
You aren't in my mind any more. You aren't like mom, or like alex, or like jose, who are there at all times, hidden at the back of my head, making me remember them a couple of times a day.

I dont think about you any more. Why? Because you made horrible choices 3 years ago and messed up the part of me that was yours.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. Fuck, it hurts.