work

Its one in the morning and I'm tiredly looking for work.


so tired.

what do I even want?


/S

why cant i have faster internet?

So I can download season 2 quicker?

/s

tuc tuc

1.
blonde
average-height
beautiful
simple
honest
funny
good-hearted
smart
hard-working
close

2.
dark blonde
difficult
close
uncomprehensible
caring
lost

3.
beautiful
special
amazing
funny
good-hearted
honest
simple
easy

4.
honest
caring
lovely
tall
there
easy

5.
smart
complicated
interesting
caring



/s

my face today

As I sit here, in my living room, on a rather unconformable chair, I have lived 6556 days. This what I look like on my 6556th living day, fresh from the first selfies ever taken on my new laptop.

Things are ok but I need to get through my very first play analysis and it really isnt the easiest thing ever. Although I must admit I've done worse and this is actually kind of fun, but nothing like the useless format writing I did last year.......



Now that i think about it, do I even look like the person who writes the stuff on here?

/s

Ollé is not a poem

My fingertips taste of iron
And the cold is starting to rush in

First through my shoulders
Finally down to my spine

The wine moves slowly,
Past every vain, every thought
Every feeling ever involved

Every memory ever remembered
Every person ever so close

And so the car comes by again, 

The same strange man
Wishing in vain 

What will be of me?
Of you?
Of us?
Of everything I ever thought of?

And so I write to not forget 

In the end,
She denied it all again.

Reading

I have a problem.

And its quite problematic.

They mess me up because I take too long to finish them. And then I sit here wondering what to do because that tiny little world I had for so long is finished; it will never be anything more after that last read page.

//"Alma"

things i need to do

basics:
get my shit together
get my shit together
get my shit together

basics 2.0:
get over myself
buy course literature
stop spending so much fucking money
get my shit together
buy a bookshelf
stop spending money
go work out
read my course literature
stop fucking people over
stop letting people fuck me over
get over myself once more
maybe find a fucking job

basics 2.01 deluxe version:
have a job
have my shit together
pass my courses
have money and not spend it on only expensive food
be a nice person
sleep properly

basics 3.0 final golden deluxe version:
get over yourself goddamn it

Train stations in the early morning

I don't think I have ever been as confused as I am at this point in my ridiculously short life. My emotions and thoughts vary so greatly from one hour to the next and I feel like I can't handle my own mind anymore.

The thoughts about everything being a simple but yet complicated creation of mine are scary and rather recurring. The "what if?" doesn't seem to dissolve in my sea of broken thoughts, thoughts that seem to have a mind of their own and don't care about the fact that sometimes I feel like I can't grasp reality, at all. What does that even mean, to grasp reality?

Does everyone feel this way? Does everyone reach this point in their lives, where they realise how complicated it is to even begin to understand their own mind?

Sleep

Is the only way to be with you to sleep and hope to dream of better choices and better times? Probably. It does seem to work. It makes it easier to cope with all this bullshit.

Life's good otherwise.

Summer updates

You wake up at 11 not knowing where you are. His parents bedroom, OK. How did you get here? A big blur after that one extra shot. You get up, fix your T-shirt that you somehow put on backwards last night. Who's still here? -you wonder. Where is everyone? Did they leave? And oh god, you smoked far too many cigarettes last night. Your lungs feel heavy and it hurts to breathe. You cough and walk out of the room and find the bathroom. Well you're in one piece but your entire body hurts and you're missing every thought that went through your head after the tequila. Is this how you want your days to be?