I’ve stood still next to this window for
nearly 8 hours, looking down into the world, seeing one or two lit lamps by
what seems a million windows on the apartment building in front of me. In
a couple of hours, everyone will wake up, they’ll walk, eat and breathe. At
some point in their lives, they will laugh and they will cry. They will talk, they
will smile and they will love.
Everyone will also die.
Everything in everyone’s life keeps going but
I stay in the same place. I am an outsider; I stand here and cannot walk, or
talk, or love or laugh. Or even cry. It feels as if all I could possibly do is
die. Nothing has meaning to me anymore, and I wonder if anything ever did. No
one means anything to me either.
I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want
to disappear. Worst of all, I don’t seem to know why.
