00.50

I haven't been reading much lately, but I've started writing in a little book my lovely brother got me for christmas.
I'm half way through Murakami's South of the Border, West of the Sun. It's quite wonderful actually, Murakami writes amazingly well.

Hur lågt kan man sjunka? Hur kasst kan man må?

My past couple of days have looked a bit like this:

Swag @ kitchen

Just a globe lying around

Ate amazing scones

Pink Green Blue White Red

Figured out how this weird thing worked

Spent the day with Viktor and Pauly in lovely Copenhagen

Swag @ danish square

Danish BK and goats

Well said advert

Swag @ kastrup

Now I'm tired. 

Looking forward to New Year.

Ciao stranger xx

Skins

Nearly done with the third season. Started it two nights ago.
Off to make some green tea and then the last episode.

Sleepless

Looks like someone isn't didn't getting any sleep tonight today

just let them go

When did this become a habit? Going to bed at past four in the fucking morning and doing absolutely nothing?
I guess it's 'cause I sit here and wonder whether I should write what I want to write.
Whether I should tell everyone how I really fucking feel about it.
Fuck it, it doesn't even matter anymore.

I'm really quite looking forward to the so-called new year. Really, it shouldn't make a difference, I will probably be the exact same person at 23.59 on new year's eve and at exactly 00.00 on new year.

So then, why am I looking forward to it? It's because I'm making myself think that this new year will bring new people, new boys and new adventures.

you're an uninvited clown a foolish puppy with a too long tongue

Oh yes, those dancing days are just too genius. I cant believe I hadn't been listening to them in a while.

Anyways: had a shower to clear my thoughts, took a little walk and smoked a stolen cigarette. Today feels a lot easier to cope with. I'm actually feeling rather happy. 

Peace out homies xx

How?

Less than 2 hours ago, I lightly kissed him and tried to warm his cold hands up. I was waiting for him to say something, to tell me how he felt. But he wouldn't. He took so unnecessarily long.

And he put my hopes up.

By not saying anything, he made my stupid head think the wrong things; he made me think that we were maybe just going through a rough patch, that things would work out.

He was acting stupid and wasn't really saying much.

And then it happened.

"It's just not working anymore".

No explanation, nothing at all. I asked him to leave.

On bloody Christmas day? Well, fuck you mate.

Shit fuck fuck

Please don't let it happen. Please, don't let it be over yet.
Damn it, I thought this Christmas would be a good one.
Fuck Sofia, you're so goddamned stupid.
Shit.

lists

Woke up

Soup, water and bread
Fika with wonderful Anne
Icecream and tea
Train
Malmö
Pizza-hut
Walking
Cigarettes
Walking
Train
Hugs
Bus
Haruki Murakami
Now
Happy

I wanna be better than oxygen

changes
-read more
-learn swedish
-55/50
-be lovelier
-use less make-up
-don't lose him
-save money
-study more
-go out for walks
-write more
-drink water
-talk less
-don't be stupid
-don't be obnoxious
-drink more tea
-no chocolate or any other crap
-only secondhand shopping
-eat more veggies
-be happier

la nourriture c'est trés bien?

 

Excuse the bad french and the strange post.


I love taking pictures of the food I'm about to eat, specially if it sort of looks minimalistic, like the food above.
-Green tea, toast with cheese, ham and cucumber.
-Green tea, brie cheese, oranges and gingerbread cookies.
-Water, spoon, cup-a-soup Italian Minestrone (so amazingly good). 


Have a lovely evening, I'm off to read in bed xx

4 floors

Myrorna @ Göteborg, Sweden.
4 floors of pure bliss with a lovely setting. (Just a bit too expensive)


ciao ciao x

keep your head up, keep your heart strong

Lying in bed listening to Ben Howard (link to spotify here) and feeling like this will be a good day too.


Yesterday, I spent the day in Göteborg with one of my brothers and Dad. It was just so wonderful and I wish we could go on little adventures every weekend. We drank coffees and checked out Göteborg's Museum of Art.


I met a couple of friends in Lund and we drank champagne, smoked cigarettes and laughed. I walked in high heels and my feet are killing me now, but it was worth the fun. 


Today, I will lay in bed a little longer, take a long hot shower, eat lunch with my mom and brothers, read and have pizza with friends later tonight.


(I'll also put up the pictures from yesterday's trip to Göteborg when my brother gets here)
Old picture 
ciao ciao x

No, we don't dream anymore

Is everything getting worse? I feel alone, empty, lost and depressed. 

I feel as if there's nothing to look forward to in life.

That everything and everyone is the same and it will always be like that.

There's nothing new, nothing interesting, nothing worth doing, there's just simply nothing.

I honestly feel like crying all the time. I hate this, please, please make it go away. I just want to be happy again.

22:38

Today started out like shit. All I wanted to do was to sleep forever, but I got up anyways. At school, I sat in a tiny room doing an exam for nearly 2 hours. From the very first second, I wanted to get out of there.
Things did get better when a friend of mine offered a piece of chocolate. Boy, it made my day so much brighter. 
I was also with the boy and he cheered me up a whole lot.

Oh yes, I also did this thing to a shirt of mine: (tutorial here) You guys should really check it out! 




CIAO CIAO XX

What did I expect

Why won't this feeling go away? All I do is pretend I'm happy but in reality everything's so shit.


I hate school
I hate my body
I hate my hair
I hate my skin
I hate this country
I hate food
I hate waking up again
I hate christmas
I hate parties
I hate mirrors
I hate people
I hate the weather
I hate everything
I hate myself


Why isn't it getting better? I keep waiting but nothing's changing, I'm not changing.

Now, who's hot who not

Bought this shirt for 45 sek at Erikshjälpen. It's warm and cozy and just so perfect.
Today was alright. Plans for this evening: study some Business and Managment and then off for a run.


ciao ciao x

Things

What were you doing 10 years ago?:
I was about 6, I think. It was around the time were I absolutely loved barbies. It was all I ever wanted. It was also around that time when I was first told that our family was moving to the other end of the world, Brazil.




What were you doing 1 year ago?:
I saw Johnossi with a couple of my closest friends. I also remember coming out of the concert and Malmö being covered with snow, it was just so beautiful. So white, so light and so peaceful.
Five snacks you love:
-Twinning's green tea and lemon
-Starburst
-Apples with PB
-Babycarrots
-Oatmeal cookies

Five songs you know all the lyrics to:
-There is a light that never goes out- The Smiths
-Money-The Drums
-40 day dream- Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros
-Black and Blue- Miike Snow
-And any track on any album (Except Suck it and See (which sucks by the way)) by Arctic Monkeys


Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Buy a lovely apartment in the center of Lund, where I could live with the boy or with my lovely mother. And travel: to India, China, Hungary, Thailand, Croatia, Madagascar, Turkey and Mozambique, by bus or train and spend as little money as possible or only when necessary. Buy tons and tons and tons of cheap and lovely second hand clothes. Drink so much tea, of every kind and for every meal. Invest the rest of the money and donate it.






Five bad habits:
Biting my nails. Being obnoxious. Reading a couple of chapters in a book and then stop reading it because I find it boring. Buying food when there's a fridge full of food at home. Spending to much money on useless shit. 


Five things you like to do:
-Being with the boy
-Writing
-Listening to my mother talk about my brothers when they were little 
-Reading a great book with a cuppa next to me
-Shopping second hand 





Five things you would never wear or buy:
-Overall jeans
-Leggings with flower/leopard or whatever patterns
-White trousers
-Leg warmers


Pictures from Tumblr and old photographs from the mothers drawers.


Kiss kiss

And everyday I waited for you

What do you do when you realize you deeply dislike the way you are? 

It's such a horrible feeling. I sit here and realize how obnoxious I am, and how that's not the real me. I'm quite quiet and relaxed, not annoying, loud and an attention seeker, which is actually how many people tend to see me. 

I really need to stop. I really hate being like this. Damn it, every time I try calming down and stop being so awful and detestable, I go right back to it in no time. 
Fuck I really hate myself. And I miss the boy. So much. 



I really hope your day was better than mine
xx